The Burger Scale

For those of you that know me or actually follow this blog, you know I am a burger fanatic. I’m willing to drive hours for a very good burger, and I am deeply offended when a burger is ruined. Now, as part of my revamped format of my blog, I am introducing a burger scale in which all burgers will now and forever be graded on. I am starting with the lowest level and now working my way up. And at the end, there will be a picture of the Burger Scale. This blog is for your future knowledge wen I reference the scale.


Level #1: Veggie Burger
If you burger made it here, then you should be banned from making them. This is the lowest of the low, the worst of the worst. An insult to burgerhood (like veggie burgers, which I will forever argue should not named “burger” if it has no meat), anything placed in level 1 will result in an eternal ban from me and potentially my family. Very few times I come across one that deserves such shunning, but when it does, I will have my voice heard somehow, someway.


Level #2: Steamed Burgers
If your burger made it here, there’s a chance you won’t see me again. While your burger is not an abomination to the utmost level, it’s a major disappointment and can be improved upon in multiple ways. Unlike Level 1, there is a slim margin of hope, but it’s very slim, and requires for you to admit you are grilling failure. Much like steamed burgers, your burger is missing several key steps and ingredients in crafting that one successful burger that is required to bring a smile to my face.



Level #3: Burger King
This one hurts to do, because when Burger King is good, it’s darn good. Yet, when it’s bad, its pretty bad. If your burger made it here, that means you have created a burger that can deliver mixed results, depending on what day you arrive and on what mood the restaurant is in. Most quick-service restaurants tend to fall here, as they mass-produce their burgers, and it all depends on whether or not the cooker actually cares. So in Level 3, your burger is good, but always has the chance of also being quite bad. Depends mostly on your luck.


Level #4: Steak n’ Shake
In here, your burger is good, perhaps even great, but is mere inches from being something purely special. It’s missing that special touch, but it doesn’t mean I didn’t enjoy it. Whether its size, presentation, pricing, or the added condiments/veggies, your burger just misses the mark. Picture it like a “B” in a test, good, but can be improved upon. Steak n’ Shake’s case for example, the burgers tend to be quite small. Even the supposed larger ones aren’t that-that big. The quick-service equivalent of this is Checkers, which is a very underrated burger joint with great food, but the portions have always been dismally small.


Level #5: Five Guys
Now, you’ve made it to the good zone. In here, your burgers are something special, are quite impressive, and can be guaranteed a return visit from me. Your burger delivers the goods, delivers most of its potential, and results in a successful visit no matter how crappy the fries and drink may have been. The quality of the meat can be felt, the juiciness is there, and everything you want in a good burger appears here. You like it here, and you want to come back. To make a long story short, if you are Level 5, you’ve made a darn good burger.


Level #6: Margaritaville
This is reserved for those that truly made something special. It is not just a burger, it’s an experience. Whether it’s the presentation, the ambiance, the secret ingredient, the freshness, or because the burger is just freakin’ insanely good, if your burger hits Margaritaville status, you deserves the utmost praise and deserve awards for your beautiful creation. It is not often a burger can reach Level 6, but those that do will be promoted by me extensively.












Level #7: Le Tub
The ONLY way you can achieve this, is if you can top Le Tub’s burger. As of now, not a single place has even come close, despite comments from the co-hosts throughout the Floridian Cuisine Experience’s first year. This is not just a burger, not just an experience, but an actual case of spiritual nirvana that can only be achieved in consuming the ultimate food. The ultimate pizza is somewhere in New York, the ultimate pie is in Amish Sarasota, and the ultimate-ultimate-ultimate burger is Le Tub. There is no ifs, ands, or buts about it, you cannot argue this until you actually head down there and try one. This is the only restaurant that is actually in Level 7, so it’s a nearly impossible feat to go this high up the Burger Scale ladder. Level 6 is fantastic, don’t get me wrong, but if you are gunning for best burger ever created, you gotta pass Level 7. As of now, that has not happened yet.



And there you go.